How many of us have heard this term? Or used it ourselves to describe our babies nursing frequently and mostly through the night.
Let’s talk anatomically / physiologically first.
Your new baby NEEDS to nurse often.
It is essential for their rapid growth that they nurse and get your body going in to producing more and increasing Breastmilk supply.
They MUST feed regularly. That is called cluster feeding. Not comfort feeding.
“But my child only needs the boob in her mouth, doesn’t drink”
“My child doesn’t sleep without a boob in her mouth”
“I have spoiled my child. She will never be independent”
To which usually my answer is have you ever seen a child off to university with bags of frozen breastmilk or missing mama’s boob in their mouth while they cry themselves to sleep the first night at their dorm?
Nope? Didn’t think so either.
Cuddling releases happiness hormones.
It not only helps the child in healthy brain development it even helps a mother with better hormonal balance, with Post Partum Depression, with Contractions to ensure the uterus properly cleans itself, Postpartum healing and even Breastmilk production.
This baby in the picture won’t happen if you begin abandoning your child as an infant in fear of spoiling them. They won’t see you as a space to come and unwind.
Hell if you ask me I want my teenager to be able to come home and cuddle with me like this. Don’t We all want an open heartfelt relationship with our kids as they grow?
Comfort is not a bad thing. It’s a GOOD thing. Keep the comfort coming.
It is healthy for baby. It is healthy for mama.
So mamas. Hold your babies for as long as you possibly can and fear not that you’ll spoil them. Soon they will outgrow your lap but they must never outgrow your heart.
What your cuddles will give them today will bless them with a low anxiety, calm, secure, confident and independent life.
For those craving for facts and experience instead of just emotions
a) Spoiling a child under 2.5 years of age is literally, physiologically impossible since they are not old enough to understand how manipulative behaviour works. So no. You are spoiling the baby is NOT happening.
B ) every child is different some babies are clingy and loving. Others are indifferent. These are the nature they are born with. Understand and accept your baby’s uniqueness.
C) Babies have a natural instinct to be clingy. They get clingier with age as their brain development speeds up. It is a very confusing and daunting time for them. They need you. Cuddle for as long as possible. Read up on Attachment Parenting.
D) I cuddled my child and she never went to sleep without my boob in her mouth for a day (even if it was for a few minutes). At 3 years of age she sleeps on her own. Usually even turned away from me. So this is a myth of the HIGHEST order that children don’t get independent or have difficulty becoming independent.
Children who have had parents allowing them to be held closely and catered to all their emotional needs are far more secure, independent and strong than children who were forcefully separated at any age. That’s the basics of Child Psychology.
After one of the World Wars, a Neonatal Unit in a Hospital was salvaged. Everyone either died or fled but they left around 15-20 babies behind.
Even in the best care available in the given circumstances, those babies screamed and cried continuously for a day and night. And then after that they stopped crying.
It wasn’t that they were “sleep trained”. They lost an integral part of their instinct. Instinctively a baby knows when they cry someone will come attend to them. These babies. They knew now that if they cried no one will come.
That kind of Trauma internalised takes a lifetime of therapy and hard work to just minimise itself.
If we have been blessed with babies MashaAllah, give them YOUR best. If you can manage being with the baby 24/7 do that. If you’re only able to manage 12 hours do that. If you’re able to do 2 hours. Do that.
If you’re a doctor and a front line worker (because quite a few of my clients are) or any field where you can only get a few hours with your children in a week, assign another primary caregiver to cover for most of the hours (Nani. Dadi. Khala. Phuppo. Anyone. But ONE person) but DO spend those few hours with your child.
Parenting is not just providing material stuff for children or giving yourself public accolades that I sleep “trained” my baby etc.
It is also emotional and psychological upbringing.
Love your child. Always. You need to be their safe space.
