I am on a bunch of forums where I quietly observe where the world is going.
There are uncensored, badass, Breastfeeding forums where some AMAZING women share their views unabashedly and then there are neutral-ish blogs and forums where all sorts of people are present, getting along well and supporting inclusion, supporting the fed is best notion.
Both types have their pros and cons and I pick up whatever makes more sense from either place.
Sometimes they will go overboard in proving their own points of view. Breast is best clan will end up pushing around those who don’t breastfeed and fed is best lot will shame breastfeeding mamas. Either way is a lose lose battle.
So here I am putting my (unapologetic) opinion out there in light of my own experience.
When Sassi was born I decided to breastfed, not even aware of the “passion” that surrounds the topic. I was a formula fed baby myself so were everyone around me in my family. All I knew at the time were two things. First, biologically Breast milk is tailored to the baby’s nutritional needs and it builds a great immune system for the new sapling. Secondly it is great for both mother and child’s health. Prevents cancer in both, helps with postpartum weight loss (didn’t happen for me!) etc.
Literally that’s all I knew when I embarked on this journey.
Then came the actual thing.
It was more painful than anything I had ever experienced. My baby had a tiny mouth, tinier than my areola which is why the whole of it couldn’t be stuffed inside her mouth and I’d die a thousand deaths every time she would latch. My husband cried when he first saw me feeding her, suggesting immediately switching to formula. It was that bad.
I wasn’t insanely gung ho about sticking with breastfeeding.
I wanted to give it my all and if it was at any point just not bearable I would quit.
That’s what I said. The day I feel I’ve given it my hundred percent and this is going beyond my capability/ patience, I’ll switch to formula.
Through aching boobs, raw nipples, I powered on. It just kept getting better. Every day was slightly better than the previous and eventually I would feed her in my sleep.
At 20 months, I well up at the idea of weaning more than she would, however the month following her birth, had you asked me how long I intend to breastfeed I didn’t even know if I’d make it to the end of the week.
With zero guilt or remorse.
So here’s what I feel about this entire thing. You do not need to “feel” for anyone else’s child being fed anyway. Breastfeeding is not an easy journey and is very VERY personal. It’s about commitment, personal space, body shape (God, yes) and like an article I recently read very nicely puts, you’re on call 24/7. Apart from the initial excruciatingly painful issues getting into the groove of breastfeeding and the possibilities of some very painful conditions (not necessary you’ll have them but you’re definitely at risk) like mastitis, clogged ducts, thrush etc. Breastfeeding is not a flippant or fun choice. It’s a lot of deliberate hard work that your partner cannot help you with if your child is as strong headed as mine about rejecting pumped milk in a bottle.
How on earth can we even try to judge someone choosing not to breastfeed?
Yes Breastmilk is gold.
Yes Breastfeeding is amazing for the bub and the mom both.
Yes there’s nothing as good as Breastmilk for the child’s immune system.
Yes it is amazing for bonding. Like. AMAZING.
It’s all of those wonderful things and more. But formula is an acceptable alternative. It isn’t better than Breastmilk but it’s food. It’s nutrition. It keeps your baby going.
What’s the problem? With either side of the choice? I know two of my VERY close friends who believe in Natural birth and breastfeeding, one of them is even an anti vaxxer.
I went ahead and got an elective C section. Never even tried for Natural birth. All consensual surgery.
My child is fully vaccinated.
Did they tell me about their preferences and urge me to try? Yes. Did they EVER bring it up again let alone try to make me change my mind? Hell no.
As much as they love my breastfeeding journey, they NEVER to this day even brought it up again. We are so much more occupied with my child’s emotional growth and how I can help her grow free range as I call it. SO MUCH to talk about.
Why can’t all of us be decent enough to allow others their space to make their own decisions about their own children?
So PLEASE! Share your perspective. Your opinion based on facts and those facts too but stop shoving your opinion down others’ throats. Stop shaming others for their choices. Motherhood is tough as is.
Breastfeeding is not sexualising babies or gross.
Formula feeding is not a disservice to mankind.
I’m not team Fed is best because I truly believe Breast is best but I also believe Formula is Second Best and that’s okay too.
None of these finger wagging critics come to you in the middle of the night to hold your child while you catch a shuteye and no parenting is hard but it doesn’t mean you must make all difficult decisions and make it even tougher. You do what you can manage and keeps you and your child safe. Physically and emotionally.
Respecting other people’s decisions is best. Standing up to do what YOU believe is best for your child and you is best.
Metallica got it right. Nothing else matters.
