Every time someone asks me when is Sassi getting a sibling I joke about reduction of parents’ life expectancy in the first six months of a child’s life.
I’m only half joking.
I seriously believe the first six months, no, actually the first year of a child’s life has serious and long term impact on the parents and not the life changing soul enriching type (only).
Some real neurones die in there.
Like the mom brain that never improves? That can’t be all pregnancy. Please give some credit to the unsung heroes like sleepless nights and witching hours et al. Daddy dearest is losing his shit in equal quantities so move over just Mama. Daddies are considering vasectomy with every screech in the middle of the night too. (Unless he’s a douche who chooses to catch up on his sleep in the other room while mama continues to nurture: read: manage a baby alone who is no more in-utero)
So as usual, I’ll grab the bull by its horns and address the elephant in the room that we are socially conditioned to ignore.
We even censor the mere thought because hey, we love our kids. They make our hearts brim with happiness unlike another. However, the fact is that inclusion of children in the mix does take a toll on an absolute happiness quotient of life.
It isn’t about being an ingrate or rude (look at me correcting and justifying myself!) it’s about facts.
Raising kids is no walk in the park.
You’re on your toes even as you sleep.
The constant stress of looking out for an offspring who in so many ways is unprepared for the world full of possible accidents. The never ending watchful eye of what to eat or what to say in their presence for this will help (age) appropriately develop their stomach lining as well as personality.
Dude. It’s a lot of responsibility especially for someone who buckled under the pressure of university or work or whatever stress they faced before having a child because trust me. All that. All of that (and more) will look like the first level of that Snake Game in Nokia Phones once you have a screaming baby at hand or a toddler who came across tampons and holds you hostage with questions in his eyes.
It just doesn’t end.
Some of it might be taken care of if you live near or with parents but that comes with truckloads of other wonderful pros and cons of its own. I don’t wish to digress.
It is however proven by research based on real data that parenthood reduces the absolute happiness in the life of individuals as well as couples.
Would I choose that over Sassi? Hell no. She’s the third ventricle of my heart. Wonky, Anomaly, Gets me more oxygenated blood than the rest of mankind living a Sassi-less life.
If I’m blind to the idea of Sassi as an individual, would I still choose to be a parent?
Maybe.
But it’s not a Hell Yeah!
So for those about to begin their lives together or single and pining to reproduce. There’s SO MUCH in your current life you will value and miss for (at least) eighteen years of parenthood, you have no idea.
There was this Urdu idiom I remember from a kids storybook. “Zabardast Maaray Aur Ronay Bhi na De”. Roughly translates to “Hits the hardest and doesn’t even let you cry” Yeah…that’s your flesh and blood who isn’t an adult yet. Yup.
Choose wisely so you don’t regret or depress yourself or inflict your unhappiness with your circumstances on an unsuspecting child who didn’t ask to be born.
I can’t say this enough. Parenting is hard AF. Also it’s socially, politically incorrect to complain or say all I’ve said above (which I SOMEWHAT agree with too. We can’t have whiny, complaining parents constantly bitching out how their children have made their lives difficult and unhappy. If you have them already, suck it up and do what’s needed. Parent them responsibly but we NEED to stop censoring ourselves, be kinder to ourselves and acknowledge these issues so we are
a) Somewhat and only somewhat prepared for it when deciding to have a child.
b) Address the issues arising from becoming a parent. Primarily ones of mental health.
So as you search for the best nanny available while you’re gearing up to welcome a tiny, laddu-esque bundle of joy might as well get a shrink onboard too and perhaps have fortnightly sessions set up with them if not weekly.
I promise it’ll make things so much better.