Cabin Fever

My 3 year old woke up yesterday morning and burst into tears “Mujhe kisi ke ghar jaana hai” I want to go to someone’s house, she sobbed.

My husband and I are predominantly introverts. So we are quite okay sitting at home. We also love staying out of each other’s way since both of us love having our own space together. Where he will scare the life out of me to the extent that in a split second I would recalibrate life choices, reconsider getting married at all for it i were alone no one would jump out from behind a door and scare my bladder out of me. Nearly. We also love keeping to our own spaces within the house.

Basically we are flourishing in the lockdown.

Can’t say the same for my three year old.

She’s a feisty extrovert and I had no idea how to deal with one of those in such close proximity.

Last week she woke up nearly limp with depression. Not talking. Not eating. Just sprawled across her father’s shoulder, lifeless. It cut my heart in halves.

Faisal introduced some running around time on the terrace and waving hello to the leaves. I added some planning time.

So now we daydream and plan together. “Jab sab khul jaaye ga” (Once everything opens up) Series.

We talk about planes and London zoo, and Ghars (Homes! She means other people’s homes because she has dismissed our own house as one).

She will spend hours on video chat with my sister and cry when the phone’s battery runs out. Not for a minute or even ten. Sometimes for up to an hour and it’s exhausting for her.

My child is suffering. I don’t know how long this will last but I do know that this lockdown (self imposed it the government has lifted it) isn’t and must not end soon if we wish to stay safe and alive.

I also know that many MANY people out there are suffering because of it. Just like Sass.

Take care of yourself. Reach out to mental health professionals. Literally every healthcare professional is offering telehealth services now.

Find your paints and brush and a terrace. Metaphorically. These are what keep my three year old engaged. We all have our own versions of paints, canvases and terrace.

For me it is perhaps work because I’m one of those annoying people who have gotten super productive in these times. I’ve also had a history of over twenty years of pushing down emotions with copious amounts of work. So yes. There might be a trend I am following. I might not be missing the outdoors since that’s not one of my favourite places anyway but I am certainly not enjoying the cooking and cleaning. Yes. I’m the spoiled home body who likes her surroundings spotless without lifting a finger.

I am managing cooking every day because I get to eat it too and I love food but cleaning is definitely not one of my favourite things to do.

I’d rather work, I’d rather read, write or learn something new. No. That does not include cleaning hacks. That’s not the kind of learning I meant. Even though I use them pretty often and like to remain as environmentally friendly in my choices as possible (picked up a great book on natural / herbal cleaning solutions from Kew Garden last year)

Either way. All of us have our peeves enlarging like a crazy balloon and glaring us in the face through these times. For some it’s staying in, for others it’s staying alone.

The one thing that remains true for all is the value of being gentle to ourselves.

These aren’t ideal circumstances. In fact these are far from them. Make the best out of them might sound a bit too fancy shmancy and unrealistic. Let’s face it. Everyone is a tad annoyed by now (unless they have stepped out and broken the quarantine).

 I’d say, every time you’re about to lose it, step away. Change the room. Go for a walk around the house. The way we used to do for Sassi when she was tiny and would cry we would go Chalo Ghar dekhne chaltay (let’s go house watching!) and we would go around the house. It made a difference. Without fail.

It’s tough. It’s even tougher with kids who don’t understand.

Make it easier for yourself. Stay home. Stay Safe