Sass has been growing faster than I could’ve imagined.
Somehow at 13 month mark there’s some sort of a booster that we hit and there is no looking back.
Her shoe size tripled in 4 months. TRIPLED. Well almost. She was a 2.5 in July and by end September early October she was a 6! If that’s not a spurt what is?
Somehow, it’s not the physical growth that affects me. It’s the emotional growth that grips my heart. I feel like my baby is slowly turning into a kid. Strangely enough I feel no need to hold on to her baby-ness as I keep witnessing around me. I just marvel at her growth and tear up a bit (aka meri beti bari ho rahi hai series).
It also reminds me how time is fleeting and how she won’t be doing or saying things the way she is right now. Not too long from now.
She’s resorted to calling nursing “nay nay”. No clue how she got there but around two weeks ago, just short of her 20 month birthday, she coined this word which we now hear right left and centre. I think our system is moving towards weaning because now I dry up on one side in a bit which never happened earlier. She very promptly asks for “Doshi”. The other side (doosri).
She is also quite a super star in using “Bandd” and “Khol” (close and open respectively). Also a favourite is “On” and “Off”. However the absolute favourites have to be “Dancey”, “Khaana” (food) and “Gaana” (song)
This child was born to eat drink and be merry. The other night she turned in her sleep and kept muttering “Khaana” at 3:30-4:00am. It was hilarious.
The second she will wake up it’s either Khaana or Gaana that’s her first word.
Please do not be fooled. We still eat like a bird. It isn’t like we are eating a lot. We just like to graze often. Will grab half a bite and go running around to our “Toysh” (Toys) or insist on going “Baayi” Baahar (Outside).
There are so many words in our every day I am losing track of them. F and I refer to her often with our first dogs’ names. I call her Tinku. He calls her T.T. She’s just as feisty.
The best happened yesterday at a Toy Shop where I had briefly gone to pick up a gift for a friend’s daughter. Sass went ballistic with “Gaayi” (Car). I looked around and she had her eyes locked at the remote controlled cars. My tiny is developing a taste of her own. She loves her beanie boos but was less than excited yesterday. She is growing up. It’s exciting to know she’s growing into a person her soul directs, the soul she was born with.
She’s such a fun person to be with. I mean, I was quite scared at the prospect of being stuck with one person for life without even knowing who she is! What if she doesn’t like us? What if I don’t like her? There’s no going back. Pregnancy chain of thought. Sitting there staring at ultrasound pictures that only God and sonologists can find a baby in, I would really wonder more than health (regrettably) and looks (not regretting), WHO this person will be? She is going to literally be BORN into my inner circle. Is there anything more invasive than that?
Until she did.
Until she was actually born.
And I forgot everything about the thought process that preceded her because my boobs hurt too much, or I bled too hard, or I felt way too feverish, or I worried endlessly about my child’s weight (quite literally another entire post material).
I was too busy trying to keep this little blob of life alive! Not thinking if she fit in with us. Not thinking if she liked us or not.
Until I did.
A few months down the road when the frantic mothering somewhat slowed down a bit (since that’s all it ever does. If you’re holding your breath for it to end, I’d advise you to stop right away), I thought of her being part of our family and realised, she IS family.
I know it sounds wonky but seriously. Being family and being around for a hundred years (sorry MUM!) is something different from being literally a new addition to the world and becoming FAMILY by default. The only family I’ve actively known are people who have been around for decades. Cousins, people in the family having kids, somehow only made it to my peripheral brain space. Okay cool. Babies. Congratulations. Move on. This one is not just in my arms but in my heart.
I started writing this post two weeks ago and we just marked her 21 months on the face of this earth yesterday (only because it’s 4am now and technically not TODAY any more).
In these past two weeks we have gotten more sensitive to public discussions over what not to do. A mere NO in the presence of an “outsider” will reduce her to uncontrollable sobbing and a Velcro leg hug (that I secretly adore because I literally don’t have to bend over to hug her and my back thanks her silently more than I do). The “Huddie” (Huggie) and “Pappaa” (Kiss) are more abundant and spontaneous and I feel her heart softening and forming a sensitivity of sorts.
Amidst a way stronger than ever vigour for Baby Sharks (I’m glaring at you RAs from F’s Office.) She is no more a toddler just toddling about bonking into things. She never was. There was always much more character and purpose behind her toddler-iness.
Lately it has just enhanced itself.
She is a kind, loving, yet fierce and self protecting/ preserving individual. Some of the traits I quite fall in love with every single day. She is not a push over. I am openly and unabashedly in love with the fact that she will probably (HOPEFULLY) be nothing like me in preschool. No one will be able to beat her up without getting a punch between their eyes. No one will steal her Stationery. Above all. Hear me out. This is important. No one will be able to EAT HER FOOD without her permission.
This kid is fierce about food. Whether it’s hers or someone else’s. If she wants it, she wants it.
I might just have to teach her to not pounce at other people’s food the way she does but I’m assuming this gets better with age. She is after all all not even two years old yet.
I love this child and her open arms for a “Huddie” for almost everyone who is a grounded, genuinely loving individual and after today I do marvel at her ability to judge and limit her reactions based on fake/ floozy or true love as I saw her reactions to new people she met less than 20 minutes apart.
My child is wiser than I am in so many ways and I can’t wait for her to teach me more about owning her space.
She is her father’s daughter. Calm on the outside yet an unfathomable sea of emotions and opinions on the inside that they almost automatically never consider to second guess.
They act on it. With conviction and belief in their self and a soft heart.
They are my favourite kind of people.
However. It isn’t time yet for her to let go of that finger she holds so lovingly and voluntarily as she waddles around the park.
It isn’t time yet for her to go without a hug or a kiss or even just a smile my way only to quickly return to the very important matter at hand whether it is chasing a toy or walking around khala’s house with azaarband (pant drawstrings) doubling as a necklace.
It isn’t time yet for me to look away for more than a few seconds to see what she’s up to.
It is definitely not time yet for her to be as wise as she is in her ways every single day. To be as perceptive and smell the air for a somber mood. To quiet down and hold me close as my friend breaks the passing of a loved one only because she felt my heart sink.
There’s a lifetime ahead to be as deep, my jaan. So be a little whacky for now. Walk into walls and be obnoxious. Ignore us sometimes. Be a baby for as long as it takes until you absolutely have to grow up.
For until then, I’ll hold space for you. A friend I never imagined I’ll find in my own child.
So much love for this little miracle, for that IS what every baby is. Whether it took you a decade to conceive or a night! (Ahem)
