2020. Brené’s and Mine

2020. Brené’s and Mine

Brené Brown has been my spirit animal since I read her first book a few years ago. As I was scrambling to find words, yet once again she spoke my mind and it made me go, well, why not acknowledge this? Here goes.

“These aren’t easy for me – especially if being predictable and consistent are important. But I’m going to keep crawling my way back to them in 2020. Especially when I’m tempted to act cool OR choose comfort over that crappy, hard conversation OR when I’m dying to be judge-y and blame-y instead of empathic and compassionate.

I’m going to try a lot of new things in 2020 and that feels scary which is often the necessary springboard for awkward and brave.

It’s easy to get to that place where we only do things that we’re already good at doing. I love that place. But it’s not good for me. So, I’m choosing to go back to the 7th grade cafeteria and carry my tray as best I can given my sweaty hands and anxiety-prone introversion. I need to seek out a couple of new tables with new challenges and opportunities. Dammit.

As far as kindness goes – that will need to start with a healthy dose of self-kindness. I know. Sounds cheesy. But, I’ve learned that it’s easier to dismiss that concept as woo-hoo bullshit than it is to actually practice it. After I wrangle on my oxygen mask, I’m committed to extending that same imperfect grace to others. I’ve learned that gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic. It’s suffocation by resentment.

As we shut down 2019 and welcome 2020, I want to thank all of you for your support, questions, challenges, teaching, and community-building.

We don’t need to do awkward, brave, and kind alone. We were never meant to.”

Source: Facebook Post linked above

This pretty much sums up my 2020 and saves me the trouble of writing it all down again but I have a feeling I still will.

2020 is definitely scary. I’m jumping headlong into territories uncharted. But guess what. I was done with the known and comfortable by 2016.

Since then it has been “let’s try this. No? Back to the storyboard. How about this?” On a loop.

Some stuff stuck and I want to take it forward.

Other stuff didn’t and I was quick to discard.

Then something strange happened. Since I was working back and forth between new and discarded, I was usually in the messy middle which made me vulnerable and soft.

I evolved.

In a way my seven figure corporate career couldn’t make me.

I found it in me to try something brand new and extremely scary.

Which brings me to Brené Brown’s post here.

2020 is the year to be brave and awkward which is pretty much the next stop from scared-as-hell.

Along with everything we do, kindness must forever be a constant. It’s easy to become jaded. Easier to remain cynical. It is difficult to keep a soft heart despite what the world throws at you.

Difficult has always been my comfort zone. So why change that?

I promised myself I’ll start writing my book in 2019. I’m actually halfway through one already but it is a surprisingly stark different book from the one I meant. I never thought I’d write non fiction but here I in the thick of it. You’ll hear about it soon.

THE book will have to wait for a year or two now, for I’m too busy making life happen.

I promised myself more self care. I am definitely a notch ahead but as Brené says, that oxygen mask needs to be in place properly before I lunge you help someone else.

I wanted to wean. Now I don’t. My baby will self wean whenever she’s done and that’s a huge decision for me. Anyone who doesn’t own tits, doesn’t even get to perceive this.

2019 was kind but real. The one thing she gave me was perspective and she gave it raw. It’s up to me how I use that information.

A decade recap is a thought that leaves me panting and wheezing. The story wont be a light read either. Let’s start with looking forward instead.

Let’s grab 2020 in a warm embrace rather than by the horns and walk through it as our most vulnerable selves.

Brave, awkward & kind.

So much love.